3 Reasons to Know + Love Yourself Before Getting Into a Serious Relationship
by Tiffany Walking Eagle | 3-minute read
Note: I’m writing this post a bit before Valentine’s Day in hopes that any folks who are single can get some encouragement to get to know themselves better. <3
Just about everybody longs to be in a loving, fulfilling romantic relationship, whether you’re looking for a spouse or any long-term relationship.
It’s also common to feel like finding the right person will be your end-all-be-all key to happiness,
Yes, finding your person can be absolutely incredible and fulfilling.
And yes, that person can bring you happiness!
But the truth is, marriages/serious relationships are not the key to happiness
Relationships can we wonderful, but they are hard.
Honestly, if you’re banking on a relationship to be the thing that finally makes you happy, you’re going to be sorely disappointed. And truly, it’s not healthy to make any other person your source of peace, joy, or fulfillment. That’s a lot of pressure to put on any relationship!
If you don’t love yourself, it’s extremely difficult to maintain any kind of healthy relationship with anyone else.
So I know it’s hard to hear, but better to learn to love yourself and be happy now than to get into a relationship and realize then how unrealistic your expectations were.
So here are some reasons to know yourself first.
1. You won’t be able to communicate in a relationship if you don’t know who you are and what you want.
If you go into a relationship without knowing what your personal boundaries are, there are a few different ways that can play out.
For one, you may figure out the things you can and can’t put up with really quick once you’re in the relationship, and that can lead to a lot of conflict, whether through all-out fights or passive-aggressive means. Of course, it’s not impossible to work through these struggles, but it can put a lot of strain on a new relationship.
You may not know how to communicate your needs in a healthy or constructive way. You may lash out at your partner for not fulfilling your needs or understanding what you want, which isn’t fair to them if you’re not clear with them.
Or, you may stuff your feelings. Since you’ve never defined your boundaries with yourself, you may not know how to express those feelings or have healthy discussion with your partner about them. Suppressing your true feelings will only lead to resentment and strife.
Related post: 7 Ways to Get to Know Yourself
2. You may end up compromising your values and feelings.
Whether you’re a people pleaser or not, if you’re desperate to have or hold on to a relationship, you may end up compromising your values to keep the peace. And let me tell you, that will not work out well long term.
You may think you can handle it in the beginning, but suppressed needs over time will start to wear at you, and they’ll manifest in other negative ways in your life and relationship if you don’t deal with them.
3. You may rush into relationships too fast.
If you’re searching for a relationship to complete you, as soon as you feel any semblance of chemistry with someone, you might be tempted to go all-in.
You might expect them to be there for you all the time, text you back constantly, or want to spend every second that they can with you...and that can scare someone off if they’re not ready to commit yet.
You may want to move in with them far before you’re both ready.
You might start asking them really tough questions way too soon, expecting them to be open with you long before they’re ready to share.
You may express jealousy or possessiveness over them before the relationship is defined or things are exclusive.
(Keep in mind these things will vary for every relationship, but they’re just some relevant examples.)
Rushing into a relationship with high expectations and little sense of security in who you are as a person does not set you up for long-term success. You’re going to be miserable when reality hits that this person will never complete you; only you can complete yourself.
I know this stuff is hard to hear, but please know that having a healthy level of self-worth is setting up your future relationships for success, and you won’t have to hinge your happiness on some future relationship anymore. <3
If you need some help figuring out how to get to know yourself, check out 7 Ways to Get to Know Yourself Better
Related post: How to Build Your Self-Worth When No One Taught You How